im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just had sex bonerless
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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