Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
