hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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