you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
