I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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