Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
