whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was born a porn star she said
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
