your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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