$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
