btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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