i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
