Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
