He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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