I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
