I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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