you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
