She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
