Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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