I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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