i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
