good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
