I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
