i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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