Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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