is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
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