I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize