wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
