Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
