the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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