She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
