She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
