Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
