Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
