i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
