and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
