low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
