By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
