i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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