By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
