Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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