Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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