i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
