Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
