i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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