he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
