It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
