Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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