i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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