Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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