He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
