he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
