she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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