Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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