he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
