they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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