The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
