If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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