So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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