literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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