Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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