I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
