I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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