I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
