Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
