so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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