dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
