Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
