We won't sleep together?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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