Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
