Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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