im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
