toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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