i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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