thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
