Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
